I'm jealous of your bromance
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
