my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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