and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
