just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
