I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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