i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
