It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
