had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
