Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
