I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize