She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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