Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
