tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
worst night to have a conscience
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize