We named our party play list daddy issues
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
