matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
420 ftw
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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