maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
