I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
