I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
tell me about the eggs
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
