I got chris browned last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
