i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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