How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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