You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
