im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
