Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
