My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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