where does the pee come out of this thing
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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