I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think my mom watched the whole time
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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