I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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