my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
