My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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