Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
