Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
PANTIES FOUND
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize