Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
