yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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