sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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