i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
