I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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