The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
