I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
