I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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