I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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