dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
