I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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