The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
