Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
