Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
