If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
