True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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