so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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