that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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