Apparently you make a good broom.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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