He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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