I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
