I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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