I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
