Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
