need another drink. this is the easiest way
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize