i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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