i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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