There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize