well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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