Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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