i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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