I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
