The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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