Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
