I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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