Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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