It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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